Raised on a diet of broken biscuits

I'm on my own in the library (I finally ran out of excuses not to do the Wednesday late). I am on a diet. I will not open these.

I will also not open these -

And I most certainly will not be opening these -

Yep. They are the biscuits we have in our library office. And you thought it was all 'sssh' and no fun, ey?

03/03/06 **BISCUIT UPDATE** After promising myself one of the yummy Cadburys biscuits when they were opened (thinking they would be opened after my diet had finished) I can confirm that I am now eating an Orange Chocolate Crunch. I realise this is breaking my diet, but they were opened yesterday whilst I was off sick, and HALF THE TIN has gone already, half the tin!! I'm on holiday next week, and at this rate they'll have polished them off and eaten the tin no doubt, by the time I am back, so I'm taking my chance now. I can also confirm the biscuit is yummy!

How may points for a ....

So, as nobody likes a fat bride (see below) and more importantly as none of my clothes fit (again) and after astonishingly both losing and putting back on a stone in 18 months, I'm back on the old diet.

Now, when I diet I do it the Weight Watchers way (other ways of losing-and-putting-a-stone-on-in-18-month diets are available). After years of attending WW meetings with my mum, I know the points system inside out. Yes, I know points is very 5 years ago, but the new ways of working things out scare the hell out of me. I am a WW luddite. I am also a human WW reference book. Seriously, ask me the amount of points in an anything, and I know. With the exception of meat & fish I know that points value of everything. Hummus? Why, that would be full fat 1.5pts a tablespoon, 1pt a tablespoon for low-fat. Avacado? Thanks for asking, 3pts for half a medium size avacado (love the precise science!). So far, so good. I lost 4lbs this week. Okay, that's 4lb of the 6lb I put on over christmas, but that's really not the point.

And the best thing about the WW points system? I can hoard my points and 'spend' them on booze! Hooray for being drunk as a skunk whilst on a diet! (That's me on a diet, not the skunk).

And I'm not at all jealous of this lucky little guy. Nope, not even one tiny little bit.

Here comes the bride

So, after ten years of saying over and over and over again how we are "never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER getting married", we're getting married. This has taken most of our family & friends by complete suprise, including those I'd told that we were thinking of it. I must say, more fun than actually deciding to get married or planning the whole thing has been telling people we're getting married.

Ways I have told people we're getting married:
1. Telling my mum and dad (who had no idea what we were planning) in a packed restuarant.
Me: "Guess what we're doing for our anniversary next year?"
My dad: "Getting married"
Me: (in a What? You weren't supposed to guess! voice) "Yes!"
My mum "Eeeeeeeeeee" (and other high pitched excited noises).
My dad: "I said the least likely thing I could think of!"

2. Dropping it casually into the middle of an email about other people's quite frankly crazy wedding planning. They had sent out pre-invite reminders (no, I have no idea what they are either) for their wedding in November 2006, in December 2005 and I just couldn't resist putting "I mean, my and Mr L are getting married in April and we haven't even told anybody yet" into the middle of an email. I got a "What?!!" and a "Sorry?" in reply.

3. Dropping it casually into conversation about dieting
Mrs D "we're eating heathily, but we're not really dieting"
Me "oh, we need to go on a diet, 'cus we're getting married in April, and no-one likes a fat bride"

4. Dropping it casually into a conversation about people visiting us
My bestest friend "And of course, we're visint you Easter weekend"
Me "Well, you could visit us that weekend, or you could come down two weeks later and then you can come to our wedding as well"
My bestest friend "What? Are you getting married for real?"
Me "Yes!"
My bestest friend "Is it real? Is it really real? Really, really, really real?"

5. Breaking the news to my ex-colleagues, who, the whole year I worked with them had to listen to me moan about weddings in general and say how I was "never, ever, ever, ever times a billion" getting married.
Me (after rather a lot of wine, for dutch courage purposes) "Ooh, you can hire this pub for a party. That's good, 'cus I'm on the look-out for a room to hire for our wedding celebrations"
Them "What wedding celebrations?"
Me (covering head for any abuse/punches that might come my way) "We're getting married, don't shout at me!"

Thankfully everyone has been really pleased, and we've had none of the "I told you so"s that we expected. I don't think I'm being a wedding bore (reason to not get married # 567) but if I am, please let me know, I'd hate to be one of those brides who can only talk about the wedding (reason to not get married #245).