We're talkin' about money, money

In particular the £30 I am worse off today after a 7 year old promise came back to haunt me.

Anyone who knows me, knows that saying "let's go see (insert name of band here)" is my number one hobby of choice, and when I am drunk it is my super number one hobby. Anyway, just before I left home seven years ago, my mum was talking about Simply Red, and how she'd love to go and see them. Now this was too much bait to refuse, so being the good daughter/obsessed with saying I'll go to gigs person that I am, I said "if they ever play round here, I'll go". Now I'd just like to point out that seven years ago the chances of Simply Red ever playing my home town were remoter than something right over the far side of on a remote island in the Unites States of Remoteshire.

Fast forward seven years, and guess what tickets I just brought? £30 to go and see Mick "lardy" Hucknall and his possee, at an outdoor gig in one of the rainiest towns in the country. Yeah, thanks Stoke City for building a stadium big enough not only for football, but also for gigs. Thanks a big bloody lot.

Bye bye indie street cred, bye bye.

Look at this

Lazy blog I know, but really, look at this. It's rude and funny! Result!

Party Hard

I'm trying to put together some 'tunes' for the party the day after the wedding. For my first selection I was thinking I'd go all 1996, you know, the year we met, and also the year of some damn fine music. The last time I made a CD for a wedding party it almost sent me over the edge. And my friend spent three weeks before his 40th birthday putting together his perfect party mix. So, in order to ease the pain this time round, any suggestions? What makes a good party song?

There are just a few pointers:

• No Coldplay/Travis/Embrace/any group with whingy front man/woman.
• No swearing in the song! My mum and dad will be there!
• If we are to dance to it, please bear in mind that we will be drunk and in ridiculously high heels.
• If we are to dance to it, and there's a routine that goes with it, all the better!
• No sad songs to make the maudlin' drunks cry.
• Songs which mention weddings will get you bonus points. Well, they would if there was a point system going on here. Which there isn't, becuase I'm not Tesco Clubcard.
• Songs that mention librarians get 1,000 extra bonus points. Maybe I should set up a points system.
• Did I mention no Coldplay? I mean it!
• Booky B, I am not playing 5 hours non-stop The Darkness.
• Take your cue from the Last FM link over there.

Any suggestions?

Yoga

So what's that all about, then? A friend at work has lent me her yoga dvd, as I've been meaning to try yoga for ages (I have no idea why, I just feel I should). It was as I suspected, I am in no way co-ordintaed enough to do yoga. By the time I've worked out my lefts and rights, the bloody woman is on to the next move. And how can something so holistic make you swear so much? And the falling over, what's that about?

Why I never wanted to phone the bridal shop in the first place

Bridal shop lady: "Hello, House of Brides"
Lady Librarian: "Hello, if I wanted to come and look at dresses, do I need to make an appointment or can I just come along?"
BSL: "Ooh, no deary. You can just come along if you want to, the only time you need to make an appointment is on a late night or a Saturday"
LL: "And if I wanted to try them on?"
BSL: "That's fine my love, we'll help you with all that, don't you worry"
LL: "Right, okay, well I should be coming along in a couple of hours, is that okay?"
BSL: "Fine, fine. When's the wedding dear?"
LL: "29th April"
BSL: "29th April next year?"
LL: "This year."
BSL: "THIS YEAR????? THE 29TH APRIL THIS YEAR???!! Why, you've left it far, far too late. This year?"
LL: "But it says you have a 6 week rapid service, and the wedding isn't for another 8 weeks"
BSL: "Oh no, I'm not doing that. I couldn't guarantee it"
LL: (thinks well why do you offer it then?) "Oh okay, bye"
BSL: "Bye" (puts phone down) "Jean, Jean! Bloody Nora, Jean! She's getting married on the 29th April THIS YEAR and she's only just asking about dresses! THIS YEAR! I need a drink. No, not tea, Jean, Didn't you hear me? I said 29th April THIS YEAR. Pass the whisky. This year!! THIS!!!! YEAR!!!!"

Mork calling Orson

If Mork was calling this Orson, I really hope he'd be calling them to tell them to feck right off, and take their fecking stupid "song" with them. I hate No Tomorrow so much, whenever it comes on the radio I have to fight the urge not to repeatedly punch the next person I see. To say I hate this song would be the understatement of the year. The first time I heard it, I thought "this is pretty cool, I could dance to this, listen to the hi-hat in the chorus, it's all tss tss tss". Then I made the mistake of listening to the lyrics. It's like Orson swallowed the unabridged version of The Brian Molko Rhyming Dictionary* and puked them up. In time to the music. Booky B tried to convince me "they are like Shakespeare". I think she was joking.

The lyrics that makes me feel the most violent, are the rhyming of "shiny pants" with "romance"(what!?) and "red bull" with "school". Now the more literate amongst you might notice that "red bull" and "school" don't actually rhyme. And this, pop fans, is what makes me want to scream. Because Mr Orson sings "red bool" and those lyrics, are the lyrics I hate the most , ever!

* Oh, how I wish this actually existed.

Wimp!

Checking my RSS reader, I noticed this question on a medical Q & A feed:

Q. A 24yr old man doing survival course in Philippine jungle april this year, for 10 days what vaccinations should he have?

Vaccinations on a survival course? Surely that's cheating?