Nil points

It's that time of year again - Eurovision! I don't think I can really do it justice by trying to explain what it is. And also it would make me sound like a crazy lady, as it really doesn't make that much sense. You either love it or hate it.

And I love the Eurovision Song Contest. How much do I love it? When I was a presenter on Hospital Radio I had a special Eurovision show every year. I very nearly wrote my undergraduate dissertation on it. One of the best Father Ted episodes ever was 'Song for Europe' the eurovision mickey take (and yes, you will have 'My lovely horse' stuck in your head all day now, sorry!).

Two years ago I threw the best party I have ever thrown, and all for the love of eurovision. I spent about a month beforehand sneakily making my own bunting at work by printing flags from the internet, they were laminated and on string and everything. I also made stickers that said 'Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be...' and everyone got to choose a name out of a hat and be the representative of that country for the evening - and there was a prize for the winning country, which was Belgium. We had food and drink from all over the eurovision land, sangria, fondue, olives, crisps (ah, crisps, the international food). It was an excellent night. I am allowed to blow my own trumpet over this one, although I can provide email addresses of people who were there if you don't believe me.

Last year I was still on my round the world trip when it was on. I know the 'euro' bit of eurovision isn't always spot on, but I think asking the Americans to join in might be stretching it a bit too far. Although one of the guests at the ace party (see above) was an American, and it was his first eurovision, and he loved it, so you never know. So this year I was really looking forward to it, I was going to throw a small party (I live in the world's smallest flat now, any more than 2 people and it's an instant party anyway) and have a splendid evening. But I can't (selfish stomp of foot). I'm going to a wedding. Which will be fun, I'll get to see my friends, and see the fruition of two years hard planning, and eat buffet and wedding cake and get drunk. But I'll be missing my eurovision.

So this morning I made the somewhat geeky decision to video (remember them dvd fans?) the whole contest and watch it when we get in. So, 11pm tomorrow evening, it's going to be me, my other half, Mr and Mrs Booky B, maybe one other wedding escapee, the remainder of last weekends pirate party rum, cold pizza and the dulcet tones of Terry Wogan, gawd bless 'im. This year we don't stand a chance. First of all we're on second. No-one remembers the people who are on 2nd to about 18th. And besides, you should hear the entry for Norway. Lookin' like The Darkness after a cake eating binge.

Rock and roll people. Rock AND Roll.