Scene: A scruffy GP surgery, south east London, one hot Friday afternoon in May. The librarian has gone for an initial check up to see if she will be lucky enough to be allowed to join this practice...
Doctor: Do you smoke cigarettes?
Librarian: No.
Doctor: Really? (Raises eyebrow in a 'I don't believe you young lady' manner)
Librarian: Yes, really.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol?
Librarian: Yes.
Doctor: How much?
Librarian: Well, that depends, maybe on a Friday or Saturday night.
Doctor: On a Friday and a Saturday night? (Again with the raised eyebrows)
Librarian: God no! Friday or Saturday. How rich do you think I am?
Doctor: Well, how much do you drink then?
Librarian: It depends, I sometimes go for weeks without an alcoholic drink. The last time I had a drink was Saturday night, I had three rum and cokes
Doctor: That's not an alcoholic drink.
Librarian: Rum is an alcoholic drink.
Doctor: Oh. Right. Lets weigh and measure you.
Doctor weighs and measures Librarian. She is same weight and height that she wrote on the form she filled in to join this practice, two weeks ago. Funny that.
Doctor: Now, we need to take a urine sample.
Librarian: I have one with me (thinks: because your receptionist gave me two sample jars and told me to bring one. How much does she think I wee?)
Doctor: Oh, you do?
Librarian: Yes, I always have a spare one in my handbag (boom boom!).
The Doctor looks a little worried. The Librarian thinks he may not have got the joke.
A while later...
Doctor: Is there any history of asthma, diabetes or heart disease in your family?
Librarian: No asthma, but my dad has type II diabetes, and there is heart disease on my mums side of the family (thinks: 'I'm doomed!')
Doctor: Any incidences of heart disease or angina before the age of 60?
Librarian: Yes, my grandad had angina before he was 60, my uncle died in his 40's and another uncle had a heart bypass in his 50's.
Doctor: (Looks at Librarian in an accusing manner, like he is Miss Marple and she is the butler) How do you know this?
Librarian: (Has look of dismay on her face, as if to say 'what?!') Because they are my family, and we talk to each other.
Doctor: Yes, but how do you know about your grandfather? This must have been 50 years ago.
Librarian: (A little insulted that the GP thinks she is a lot older than she looks). My grandad did die when I was very young, but I know because they are my family and we've talked about these things.
Doctor: Thank you that will be all.
Exit stage left a very bemused Librarian.
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